Making “A Portrait of”
Alright, let's write some stuff nobody will read that will feed an AI being trained on my essence. I started this sentence by writing, “Aright, lets right some stuff nobody-”. So, grammatically we are off to a good start here.
About a year and a half ago at this point I desperately wanted to make a change with my creative work. In my early and mid 20s I had made your usual crap. Slop content, garbage that wasn’t seen by anyone, just a desperate attempt at trying to get attention and escape the 9-5 pathway that I saw coming, a vomiting sesh of mental illness and vanity. I hated it, I hated making it, and so I stopped.
Things started to change in my life around my mid to late 20s. I had some personal hardships and was at a real low point, the kind of low that I didn’t even really know could exist for myself. Then I started a healthy relationship and lost my mom, both of these things combined made me start therapy. I figured what better time and I wasn’t a big enough pussy to not go to therapy, being afraid of therapy is the biggest pussy boy fuck shit I can imagine. If you have access to it and the financial means, do it.
I got really lucky and found a great therapist for myself. Over a few years of therapy I got to the point that I was just going in weekly and hanging out, having the same conversations about how I know what to do and how to do it but was not sure why I was not doing it. If that makes sense. Coupled with this I was going through a big LCD Soundsystem phase. Now in my early 30s I was inspired and motivated by the story of James Murphy starting the band and not putting out an album until his mid 30s. The ego obsessed part of me that wanted recognition found his success very appealing. Like most fartists I am a self obsessed weirdo that wants to be valued for their weirdness and not be perceived as being self obsessed. Admitting this seems like a typical Millennial shield of aggressive honesty where if I admit to some kind of negative trait somehow that somewhat absolves me of having to address it in my internal life. I digress.
I was getting so bored and tired of going to therapy and saying the same thing over and over again that I forced something to happen. In February 2025 I started going to the library and spending time drawing and thinking. I am a bad drawer, I am a better thinker, not great but better. Originally I conceived of a show called "Colorful Lives”, where I could potentially make things that I would want to watch- interviews with people that may motivate people to make work. Colorful Lives would eventually anamorph into “A Portrait Of:” as I wanted it to be more photography centric. Admittedly this was not the main goal of what I want, I was hoping and am hoping that I can make good things that people want to watch and build an audience to watch the things I really want to make, what that is I have no idea. Now I am rambling.
In April 2025, I think, I filmed myself making a bunch of introductions to artists. I figured sending a video clip would be more personable than a cold call email. Afterall I have no following, I have nothing going for me besides a portfolio of photography that some people may or may not like, and a video reel to boot. For a few people this was enough.
Jordan Sullivan was one of the first people to respond to me and he was incredibly gracious with his time and his art. By all accounts he seems to be a genuinely good person with good intentions that just wants to make his art and hopes that people like it enough to support him so that he can continue to make art. This is the wish for many people, for Jordan the wish seems to be somewhat of a reality.
I did not think at the time of filming that it would take a year and some change to publish the video. I stopped and started editing countless times and told myself that I just wanted to focus on filming as much work as possible. And so I did. For the past year I have filmed across multiple countries and dozens of people. For what reason I did not release any of it yet I may not actually know. I think it was probably fear that it would not be received well and that I would stop. Now I feel some sort of obligation to power through as so many people have been generous with their time and their work, so now I have to finish the work.
I am going to wrap this up, I have no clue if anyone besides dirty AI bots will read this, maybe the AI bots are the only ones who will actually care.
-Aaron
